Pregnancy at 35

Twelve years ago today I birthed my first child.  I was exceptionally tired.  I'd been laboring for 35 hours and had decided that there was no way this baby was going to come.  I was in tears when I finally asked for an epidural.  A half hour later my favorite midwife told me I was finally dilated to a ten.  He got me in the pushing position and I started to push.  I tell you that kid was jammed in there.  It took three hours of pushing and finally after 38 1/2 hours my son was in my arms.  It was the most terrible, painful, exhausting day of my life but when I saw his sweet little face and very cone shaped head it was all worth it.  I was able to experience that joy two more beautiful times and then almost five years ago I had the scare of delivering a baby ten weeks early.  Two years after that I had the heart ache of a miscarriage at 12 weeks.  Those last two experiences were very jarring.  We took some time off and we even considered being done adding to our family.  We have four lovely children who fill our lives with joy and noise every day.  We were done with potty training, with crying newborns and toddlers on planes, with most sleepless nights, with spit up, but there was this little part of me that still wanted one more kid.  I wasn't the only one. 

My kids were constantly asking when we would give them another brother, one child more than others, and my husband would tease me about when we were going to have another kid.  Last year I decided it was time to make a choice, if we were going to have another child we needed to do it now and if we weren't  we were going to do something permanent to put that baby train forever on hold.  My husband and I talked about.  We prayed, we fasted, we prayed more.  Dr. J instantly felt good about it but I felt fear.  Cheetah's birth had left me scared and scarred, the miscarriage was one of the worst experiences of my life.  I didn't know if I could or should face those possibilities again.  These were the thoughts running through my mind for the week following Dr. J's good feeling confirmation.  Then one day as I drove the kid home from school Andrew McMahon's song "Cecilia and the Satellite" came on.  I've heard this song a ton of times.  I like it quite a bit but at this point it is mostly just background noise for me.  This time when the words, "Don't be afraid," came on my whole body went to fire and in that instant a voice inside of me said, "Don't be afraid, everything will be ok," and I knew it would be.  I had the confirmation I had asked for.  I came home and told Dr. J I was ready to try.  We decided that 35 was the year to do it.  If we could get pregnant and have a baby before I turned 36 we would, if not, then we would accept that this was not in the cards for us.  So I stopped taking my pill and for months, and months, and months I didn't get pregnant.  I was keeping a count down on when my birthday was and nine months from that date and we were quickly approaching the cut off date.  I told Dr. J I didn't think we were going to make it, and then my period didn't come.  And that is how I ended up being due to have a fifth child right before my 36th birthday.

This pregnancy has been a little more complicated than the rest of them.  We have quite a few hospitals around us but because our daughter was born early and had to be in the NICU Dr. J wanted me to deliver downtown at the biggest hospital with the highest level NICU as a just in case precaution.  Because of my previous C-section (a T-cut) I had to scheduled a C-section for this one.  This is my first time ever choosing an OB to deliver my baby.  I actually love my OB.  She is super fun and spunky.  Also because of Cheetah's birth I have to get progesterone shots once a week.  Dr. J does them at the house.  I'm not going to say they are amazing but we've figured out a routine to reduce how painful they are and if it keeps this baby in as long as he needs to be in then it will all be worth it.  Oh did I mention the baby is a he.

I had/possibly still have placenta previa, we are waiting a few more weeks to check with another ultrasound and see if the placenta has been stretched off the cervix.  When we found out they had to do a bunch of extra ultra sounds and in one of the first ones, the tech asked if I wanted to know the baby's gender, "guess what mom, it's a boy."  I cried, and cried, and cried.  Then I came home and made a balloon box to tell the rest of the family.  When the kids first asked me to have another baby they did so because they wanted another brother.  I told them we'd only do it if they agreed to be ok with the baby being a girl because you don't get to make guarantees like that, but when I found out the baby was a boy everyone was thrilled.  Don't get me wrong, I love my girls and I would have loved another girl but when there are four woman living in your house and only two men finding out you are adding another boy is a big deal. 

Besides plecenta previa I have just been so tired.  I remember my midwife, Ray, telling me when I was pregnant with Captain E that pregnancy when you are young is easy and that he saw all these woman in their 30's who were so tired, haha, now I am one of those woman.  I've also had some bad luck I've never had before.  My OB teases me that it is because my husband is a doctor.  This was my first time having placenta previa.  You know what happens when you have placenta previa?  They put you on pelvic rest for months.  How do you like them apples?  Then I got varicose veins in a place I had heard you could get them, but never had before.  Let's just say ouch, maybe pelvic rest isn't such a bad thing.  Then the last few weeks I've developed symphysis pubis dysfunction also known as "broken crouch syndrome" which basically just means that the hormone my body releases to get itself ready for birth is allowing my hips to pop in and out of place.  Just so you know, that does not feel good.  I teasingly told Dr. J that if this had happened in my first pregnancy we'd only have one kid.  I guess for the luck of our other four children it didn't happen until my last pregnancy.  Besides these inconveniences though everything has been going pretty well.  We just have ten more weeks until this little guy joins us and we are all pretty excited!!!