Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day - October 15th

I'd never heard of this until I joined MOPs almost four years ago.  I was pregnant with Cheetah and I went to this mops  meeting in October...it had to be the 14th, because two days later my water broke on my birthday.  A lady got up and shared the story of losing an infant daughter.  Then they put on the saddest song I've ever heard and anyone in the group who had suffered a pregnancy or infant loss or had a loved one who had went up and lit a candle for that person.  I don't think there was a dry eye in the house although being that I was 27 weeks along it put me in sort of a nervous mood.  The irony that just two days later my water would break and I'd suddenly find myself not knowing completely how safe my little baby would be is never lost on me.  The two following years when the day came around again I was always rushed with the flood of negative emotions I felt in those first early weeks of Cheetahs life, the fear, the anger, the anxiety for her well being, but I was also hit with the realization and relief that everything had been OK.  That I lived in a time and a place where she made it and has not only meet every expectation placed upon her but exceeded it with tornado speed and cheetah cunning.

Last year in October I'd just found out I was pregnant again.  I was tired, sick, and worried about what was going to happen that summer when Dr. J left for Kenya.  I felt the weight of Cheetah's birth but I was so overwhelmed with my summer worries I had little time to think about it.  I did cry through my Infant Loss Mops meeting and I did light a candle that night at 7pm in remembrance of my neighbor Leslie's baby Karalyn that had died just a little bit before on the day of her birth.  Then a few weeks later I loss the pregnancy.  It was horrible, but with time I finally started to clear a little from the fog and while the stress and anger of that moment started to not rule ever moment, it was replaced with stress of planning a trip for six to Kenya for the summer.  I still felt sadness though.  I remember when we were celebrating Captain G and Peach's birthdays with a bunch of people in the compound and I thought, I would be having a baby today.  One year later I can tell you that for the most part I'm ok but every once in a while I'll see something that will remind me and I get sad.  Last week it was Dr. J's grandpa's book sitting on the shelf of books I was dusting.  We were going to give the baby his grandpa's middle name.

This week it came up in conversation with Dr. J.  We were talking about our Kenya trip and Dr. J asked me if I'd rather gone on the trip or had the baby.  I turned quickly toward him and stared at him with all the intensity a mother of four can muster at 10:30 at night while folding laundry.  There was about six very awkward seconds of silence which he completely misread and said, "It's a hard choice right?"  And then I gave him a look of utter disbelief and I saw the realization dawn on him before I'd even said through a choked voice, "Not in the least, not a hard choice at all, but it's not a choice I got to make."  Don't get me wrong, I had a great summer, a once in a life time experience, but if I'd been allowed to choose even with all the stress and the sleepless nights, and the being left behind for the summer, I would have chosen the baby.  It is the miracle not lost on me that God gave me love for my children while they were just a small group of cells in my womb.  When I'm puking and tired, when my boobs hurt and I'm so exhausted I can't make it until noon without a nap, when I just feel like garbage my life is buoyed with "A Heart Full of Love".

I think it is something hard for my husband to grasp and I think it's why when faced with the sadness of a miscarriage there is a sanctity in the relationships you have with other woman, many who have felt some kind of loss related to reproduction.  Whether it be the loss of a child or infant, a miscarriage, a birth experience that left them feeling bruised and broken, infertility, or a child running away, we are joined by our love and we are also joined by our loss.  This morning before the kids got up while my house was quiet and my mind was empty of any of the stresses that come with the day, I lit a candle for that little lost baby of mine and I also lit a candle for Karalyn.  I said their names aloud and I had a cry as I thought of all the heartache these losses bring us.  I thought of the sisterhood of my woman friends and family, the comfort they brought me when I was in such a dark place, and I thought on any sadness they might be experiencing themselves right now.  I said a little prayer for us all, then I wiped my eyes, blew out the candles, and got ready for the day.
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A Good Mom Moment

I had a good mom moment today.  It happened at the very end of the day, after Cheetah had been a complete menace to my friends kids at a MOPS craft planning meeting, after my kids had dumped the contents of three book bags all over my relatively clean family room floor, after I threatened to lock one child out if he didn't come in and start his homework instead of throwing sidewalk paint all over the driveway.  I was sitting in bed and I got a text from my friend Deborah telling me to thank Gigi for playing with her daughter on the playground today, that she'd come home from school really happy.  It was a lovely thing to hear and it started like this.  At the end of last school year Deborah, who lives in my ward, moved into a house about nine houses down from mine.  She's on the main street and we are on a culdesac three culdesacs away so it's not like I see her every second, but I see her enough that it makes me happy to have her there.  She has three daughters and her oldest daughter who is the same age Gigi is like a girl version of Captain E...and by that I mean super shy.  For the firs 2 1/2 years she wouldn't even talk to me.  Last December she came to Gigi's birthday party and I think that was the first time I'd really ever heard her voice.  Anyway last year she was still making her mom walk her in to school, but this year her little sister is in Kindergarten and so she is riding the same bus Captain E, Gigi, and Peach ride, although unfortunately neither her nor her little sister share a class with Gigi or Peach.

I've talked to her mom several times about the school year because I feel a little kinship to her, mainly because it's like looking at my own son, and also because I was excited for her that she has Ms. W, Captain E's amazing teacher from last year who was moved down from fourth grade to second.  (I am super disappointed G didn't get her!).  Deborah has told me the year is going pretty good but yesterday she mentioned to me that she wished A could find someone to play with on the playground.  She's the new girl in school this year, she's super shy, she spends her recesses alone.  Deborah said, "A, why don't you go and play with Gigi?"  But A said, "Mom she already has kids from her class to play with."  I'm not going to lie it sort of broke my heart.  That was Captain E the year we moved him to this school.  He was in second grade.  He'd just had to leave the most perfect best friend he will probably ever have in his whole life.  He was so painfully shy.  I don't think he said a whole word unless required that entire year, THE ENTIRE YEAR.

Gigi is a very different creature.  Dr. J and I were randomly discussing her earlier.  She's quiet when she wants to be but doesn't feel anxiety about speaking when she needs to.  She likes being with other people and is pleasant to be around but doesn't feel the need to work super hard to fit into any group.  She plays with others when they do what she likes but if she wants to do something else she has no problem leaving the group to do it.  She's just independent!  I think about it and know that even though maybe sometimes she's a little distant that I don't have to worry about her doing anything that she doesn't want to do.  That doesn't mean she doesn't know how to have fun and I happen to know that she particularly enjoys hanging out on the monkey bars with some of the girls from her class.

This morning while I was eating breakfast, I said, "Gigi have you seen A on the playground?"  She told me yes but said that she's not over in the area by the monkey bars.  "Oh," I said, "well maybe if you walk by her you can ask her if she has any interest in playing on the monkey bars.  She's new at the school this year and she really doesn't know anyone.  Maybe she won't end up wanting to play but sometimes just being invited makes you feel good."  "Yeah," Peach interjects, "I always like when people want to play with me."  Believe me girl we know!  Number three is my Miss Social.  That was it, the last I knew of it until I got Deborah's text tonight.

"Hey Gigi," I said, "Did you happen see A today."  "Yup.  I asked her if she wanted to play on the monkey bars with us and we had so much fun!"  Then she proceeds to give me a whole enthusiastic list of all the things they did today.  To be honest it was one of the few times I've seen Gigi super excited about spending time with anyone, so I think it went well.  It made me happy that she'd taken my push from this morning, and it made me me happy that A and Gigi both had each other to play with.  I hope that they continue to nurture a friendship.  It is an answer to my prayers.  Every morning when I pray with the kids I ask for the same things.  First I ask God that their minds will be open to learning.  Then I ask that they will be a good example and finally I ask that they will be a good friend.  I read this article recently about how if you want your kids to be happy, the most important thing isn't how talented they are, it isn't how smart they are, it isn't how tall or rich or beautiful they are but the biggest determinant of future happiness is how nice they are.  The kids and I had a good discussion about this one day and hypothesized on why we thought this might be.  They thought it might have something to do with the fact that if you are nice to other people that they are more likely to be nice to you, not guaranteed but more likely and if you are surrounded by nice people who wouldn't be happy.  More than anything I want my kids to be happy and so I pray for them daily that they will be a good friend, that they will be loving, that they will want to be kind.  Today I got a glimpse of kindness from one of my children and it blessed her, it blessed A, it blessed Deborah and it blessed me.  I guess you could say it definitely paid off in some happiness.  I feel lucky and grateful I got to hear about this.

Back To School Supply List Shopping

It is that time of year again.  My kids are back in school in less than three weeks.  Some genius who shall remain unnamed planned our tickets to get back on the 28th of July.  School starts the 30th.  That means I have exactly one day to get the house in order, the kids de-jet lagged, new tennis shoes for all of them (they've killed the shoes they brought out here), new pants for Captain E (he no longer has a pair without holes, I swear his knees are sharp as razors), grocery shopping for EVERYTHING (because our fridge, pantry, and freezer are completely empty), and finally pick up all the items on their School Supply List, and that my friends is what I want to complain about right now.  This is not a cost complaint.  Sure the supplies for each kid will probably run me about $50 a kid, and with three kids going to school this year that's $150.  My mom is a teacher though and so I'm aware of how much out of her personal pocket she spends every year on supplies.  It is crazy, and so I'm ok with pitching in my part.  What I hate is how ridiculously hard these dumb list can be to follow.  I can't tell you how many times I've had to go to multiple stores looking for the Fiskar brand scissors they are insisting on, or expo markers in dark colors because the store I'm at is sold out, or how many dumb minutes I've spent trying to figure out if by "art pouch" they just mean pencil pouch, or if they want the blue and black pens to be erasable, or what the heck they mean by seven subject accordion file.  I hate buying school supplies for actual school.  Don't get me wrong, I love buying crayons for 25 cents and notebooks for 10 but the more kids I have, the longer and more specific these school supply list get, the more and more I DESPISE IT!  And please don't get me started on sending a kid to school lugging this stuff around...The school that Captain E went to for kindergarten and 1st grade had a PTA that actually sold school supply boxes.  You'd sign up, write them a check and on the first day of school there would be a box on your child's desk waiting with all their supplies.  I'm sure it was a lot of work and maybe the prices weren't as cheap as they'd be if you went around to every store having a sale, but it was so WORTH IT!

How Do You Always Look So Calm - Traveling With Kids in Kenya

I get asked this seriously ALL THE TIME.  To be honest I'm not entirely sure if it is a compliment.  I mean maybe they are just wondering why I don't throttle my active children into submission.  Living in a "compound" of adults with four children can sometimes be a chore.  The kids are often all over, running, screaming, squealing, climbing, hanging, messing about.  We meet for meals three times a day with the other residents of the compound and it is at these moments that it is impossible not to be aware of my children and the whole Swiss Family Robinson vibe they bring to the whole experience.  First off they rarely have shoes on.  For whatever reason Peach has decided that shoes are meal time optional and will kick them off as soon as she sits at our table.  Cheetah is usually just without shoes.  Then there is always a little bit of jostling in line while they wait for me to serve up their plates, Captain E trying to avoid eating anything, Gigi asking for more meat, Peach twirling circles and asking if there is a desert today.  Then SarahEllen and Joe walk in and my two youngest go nuts.  "There is SarahEllen," they yell from across the room while standing on chairs and aggressively pointing with both hands.  "Mom, mom, look, there is SarahEllen."  It is usually at this point that Cheetah will start naming off all the people she recognizes in the room.  "Aubrie, beautiful (but only if she is wearing a skirt), Michael, JJ car (this what she insists on calling him since we walk by and label his car every day probably twenty-five times), Wyatt, Meredith, Daddy Archer, Mommy Archer"  "Girls can you please eat!"  At this point they pick at two things and then Gigi and Captain E start pushing each other.  Cheetah gets out of her chair and runs for one of the three doors leading out of the dinning hall.  I stand up and start to chase her but then she bee lines over for Joe and will place her little head right by his side.  "Isn't she just the most marvelous thing you ever saw," he will tell me as he gently pats her head.  "Just all light and love, not a bad bone in her body."  But I know the truth that the second I look up to agree with him she is going to make a break for the door and that will be the end of my sitting lunch.  (I'm not entirely sure she isn't training to be a criminal mastermind) From that moment on I usually just have a standing lunch.  I bounce Cheetah on my hip while she screams and begs to be allowed outside and I try to shove whatever was left on my plate into my mouth.  Then I beg her to eat a few more bites.  We recycle everything we can here and that includes leftover food which is composted so I know I will have to walk by the kitchen staff and dump her plate in the kitchen scrap bucket and it just makes me sick when the thing is covered in food, because guess what, WE ARE IN AFRICA and THERE ARE STARVING KIDS HERE.  Is it too much to ask that you just finish your quarter of a baked potato and your piece of cake?  IS IT?  Plus the kitchen staff work hard and I don't want them to take my kids refusal to eat as any kind of critique on their cooking.  These kids are crazy.  I mean we are talking about people who when I make homemade mac and cheese say, "but I only like the Kraft kind!"  Seriously people who is raising these kids?

Sometimes I can tell that my kids annoy people.  It must be exceptional difficult to come to "Summer Camp for Weird Adults" (a term of endearment someone who shall remain nameless gave this place) and find it to be populated with children.  I mean this is a place to come and discuss medical problems and global health issues and drink a beer while watching soccer and instead  you are faced with what looks like a nursery school play yard.  Thankful most people are pretty nice about it and while we did have the super rude "Whose kids are these?" comment (It doesn't sound so bad but if you'd had seen the snarl that accompanied it you'd know why I'm still grouchy about it) it is mostly balanced out by people who go out of their way to chat up my children.

Today I had a good laugh when I rounded the corner and saw one of the first year medical students kind of cuddled up next to a girl under a tree.  "Who is Wyatt cuddling with?" I wondered as I took a few more steps forward and than I realized it was my daughter, Peach, who I'd sent home to get her father for dinner.  Apparently she never made it past his sphere because as soon as she saw him under that tree she made a beeline for him and he was entertaining her with a caterpillar he found.  This is the second time I've found her hanging on every word of a young twenty student professional under that tree.  Last week she was curled up next to a dental student in a hammock.  At one point he had both Cheetah and Peach in the hammock with him and all you could hear was peals of laughter.  "Girls," he says, "why can't I get girls my own age to laugh at all my jokes the way you two do?"  Today I said to Wyatt, "I'm really starting to get concerned with this girl.  The way I see it, it's going to go one of two ways, either she's going to bring a guy home who is twenty years older than she is or she is going to only date 23 year olds her whole life."

But how do I always look so calm, that is the question?  Well first off it is sort of a ridiculous question because this is not real life.  I'm living in a fish bowl and you had better bet that the stakes are high when you are surrounded by 30 extra adults to not lose your cool in front of them.  Secondly, I realize that I'm not the only person who has ever done this.  Tomorrow we're going over to hang out with Celeste, the Duke Cardiologist's wife.  She has four kids as well and for the last six years she's been spending six months in NC, six months in Kenya, rinse and repeat.  That lady is a trouper, an amazing example to what a willing spirit can do.  I read the blogs of Bridget who I've been watching troupe all over the world with her kids for years and Nancy who lived in Egypt for two years with her two oldest.  I have the example of Joe and Bob's wives who took kids all over the world into conditions much harder than these.  Finally, I have four kids and I've been a mom for over ten years.  I'm not saying this gig is always easy or even pleasant, but at this point I'm kind of used to the commotion and I can kind of just work through it.  Today I was talking with a mom of one child who is the same age Cheetah would have been had she been born at term (2 1/2) and she was watching me bounce a screaming Cheetah in a football hold.  "How are you able to just stay calm through this?" she asked me.  "Experience," I told her.  "I know I just have to wait until 3 1/2 for this to end (wink, wink) and then I'll be home free with this one until about 9."  Maybe I'm better at this job then I thought I was :)

You Remember When I Mention Cheetah Getting Into Everything...

Well it gets worse.  Is there a higher infant mortality rate for fourth children to first children?  I'm serious. This kid gets hauled around way more by unsteady hands, is exposed to more on the floor, and gets a lot more unsupervised time.  My least favorite thing that the kids do, pick her up and then start fighting over her while she is in their arms.  Yes she has gotten hurt in these scuffles.  Yes they have been forbidden to hold her for entire days because I'm so ticked off about it.  I understand she is their favorite toy, but for crying out loud, I'd like her to make it to adulthood without too many ER visits.

Speaking of which I almost took her yesterday.  I got home from running errands at noon.  Cheetah was asleep in her car seat so I started to unload the groceries.  All the sudden I heard her screaming.  I got her out and then went next door to talk to my neighbor.  I figured she'd calm down as soon as she realized she was being held.  She didn't.  I tried to nurse her, figuring she was hungry.  She was irate.  I bounced her, rocked her, talked sweetly in her ear.  Nothing helped.  I finally brought her back home where the madness continued.  There was one position she'd let me hold her in, facing me, my arm across her back.  If I moved her at all, jostled her going up the stairs, tried to turn her, tried to lay her down she would scream.  I had to do everything one handed.  I was worried so I called Dr. J.  "Something is wrong with Cheetah," I told him.  He gave me a list.  Does she have a fever, is she eating, is her stomach rigid, is her fontanel bulging, are her lips bluish, is she gassy, can she move her legs, will she let you move her legs."  "No, no, no, yes, yes, yes."  The questions and my responses gave us no answer.  He told me he'd check her out when he got home, then went off to work with patients.

An hour later things had not resolved. I was seriously worried.  I texted him again and he told me to call the pediatrician if I thought it couldn't wait.  I did and they had me leave a message on the nurse help line.  Two hours later they still hadn't responded and I was texting friends asking if they could watch the other kids while I took her to urgent care.  Finally the nurse called back.  They asked the same question Dr. J had asked.  Got the same answers.  "Well," the nurse said, "Sounds like something is wrong.  Bring her in tomorrow if she is still acting like this.  Take her to the emergency room if you can't wait until tomorrow."  Um, ok, thanks I guess.  At this point she'd been in pain all afternoon and I'd had enough.  I called Dr. J to tell him I was taking her in.  "Ok," he told me, "I'm on my way out the door and I'll watch the kids when you go."  At this point she screamed and did a giant poop  I took her upstairs to change her diaper.  I wasn't looking forward to it because a diaper change earlier had led to a screaming fit.   This change was met with the same.  As I went to put diaper cream on her, my finger brushed up against a hard edge at her anus.  What the heck, I wondered.  Then  Dr. J walked in.  I told him what I had felt.  He gave her a cursory exam and then opened her diaper.  "There is something definitely coming out," he said.  He gave it a couple little tugs while I stood around cringing and was rewarded with a plastic sticker star.  Instantly we had a happy baby daughter.  She started rolling around and trying to crawl on everything.  She was tear and pain free.  "Well I think we found the problem," Dr. J announced.  No kidding Sherlock :)

We talked to the kids about how we need to keep the floors cleaner.  I'm sure it will last a day.  Definitely not looking forward to what she chooses to eat next.

You Know Those People Who Lose Their Children....

Well we are them, but that comes later.  We have never taken our family on a vacation that didn't involve going to Utah to see family.  There was never the time or the money to do anything besides our yearly pilgrimage to Utah.  I didn't feel bad about it but this year when Dr. J got three weeks of vacation time, I was anxious to use one on a family vacation.  The first week, we originally saved to use on Cheetahs birth.  Of course she surprised us and came 11 weeks early.  Instead that week was used for Dr. J's kidney stone surgery.  The second week was a trip to, you guessed it, Utah.  The finally week we planned to drive down to North Carolina.  Then reality hit us.  We'd spent most of our savings on medical expenses and our house this year, we were broke, and we weren't really feeling the long drive.  That's when I remembered some friends mentioning they'd done some camping on the great lakes.  And I remembered a Parenting article that mentioned Indian Beech as one of the top 10 family beaches.  With less then half a day drive, the option to camp, and no worry of sharks it was easy to decide this trip was the one for us.

Location, Location
-When doing anything with children location is key.  Originally Dr. J wasn't to queen on the fact that our campground had showers and running water bathrooms.  Turns out with four kids they were a necessity.  Especially the night that Peach crawled into Dr. J's sleeping bag and peed all over him!  Boy was he grateful for the washing facilities then.  We were also close to a playground, the perfect place to send our high energy brood during set up and pack up.  Our site was on the back end of the dune and we were surrounded by sand.  While it wasn't the most pleasant to clean out of the tent on our pack up day, it kept the kids entertained for many hours!

I bought this tent for Dr. J Christmas two years ago.  This was our first time using it!  Hurrah for the eight man tent.  Turns out families of six with tons of child hud need the extra space :)

We also were super close to the nature center, a small museum about the dunes, the animals there, and the history.  It was a fun place to visit, a great place to watch birds, and these crazy squirrels, and later when we lost our kids a place to run for help.

Day in the life of a mom....

I feel like this lady everyday!  It's gotten to the point that the words, "Mamma, I'm hungry," send chills down my spine.  With four kids in the house someone is always hungry.  Was there a time I used to love cooking?  Hard to remember......  They've got to be old enough to be hunting on their own now right?  Find a banana, find a fruit snack.  The funny thing, we have a total open fridge, open cabinet policy.  If you find it, you can eat it.  Still they always come to mom first :)  Just in case you don't believe me here is just a little taste of what I go through everday when I'm making dinner :)


 


 Thanks Jeff for the link...

Motherhood

Today is Mother's Day.  Can you believe this is the best picture we could get?  Four kids people, it is a rough picture opportunity.  My family made great efforts to make me feel special.  The meal was superb.  Honey if you every want to take over cooking, I'm game.  The children were cute.  The mom was happy.  Motherhood.  I title which I hold dear.  Not because I think I'm particularly good at it.  In fact that are many days I feel like a completely failure, and truth be told some of task I find absolutely horrendous (laundry I'm talking about your ludicrous cycle).  I think it is because I was raised by a glorious mother and nana and have since married into a family full of glorious mothers.  They sometimes yelled.  Their houses weren't always clean.  Sometimes they got me to things late.  They weren't prefect, but they made me feel perfect, loved, special, and above all important and continue to do so.  I may not have been the prettiest, the smartest, the most talented, or the one who all the boys liked (a sticking point when you are in junior high and high school), but I was and am a star in their universe and their unconditional love filled me up with a desire to share their love.  I may not do it perfect but I love my children, they are the stars of my universe and I'm so thankful for each one.

 Captain E, you made me a mother.  Your birth filled me with wonder and fear.  Every experience with you was new.  I'm sure I made tons of mistakes.  I'm sorry for that.  I hope someday when you are raising your oldest you understand and can forgive me.  Your are the trail blazer for your siblings.  You teach their mother how to be better.  You amaze me with your creativity.  You love art and writing.  You told me you want to be an author.  It wouldn't surprise me if someday that's what you did.  You also love inventing and tinkering.  You ponder on bigger problems, even those outside your sphere of knowledge and worry.  You listen to NPR stories.  You are seven.  Do you realize how odd that is?  You laugh loud.  You love running around.  Red is still your favorite color.  You gave it up for a few years ago because you thought it was girly.  Then you decided it didn't matter.  You are shy until you warm up.  Then you are silly.



G Bear.  You are my sweet daughter.  You love caring for your sisters.  You are always willing to share.  You come home from a party and divide up your spoils. I think you will be a much better mom then I ever have been.  You are patient with your sisters.  You don't mind Peach getting into your things.  You let Rosie pull your hair a million times and never yell.  This year you've started to try to assert some independence from me.  You know what you like and you aren't afraid to tell me.  Sometimes we headbutt over the issue.  You still love to cuddle though.  You are my best sleeper.  You actually put yourself to bed.  You are terrified of shots.  You talk about them all the time.  You love makeup and coloring.  You love it when I read you stories.  I told you the story of snow white last night and you actually sighed and puckered your lips when I got to the part about the prince kissing snow white.


Peach.  My little picture lover.  You drove your mother into insanity.  That's what nana says.  "Two kids you are still in control, three push you over into crazy land."  She's probably right, but you are worth the price.  You love to sing and dance.  ABCs are your favorite.  You are so friendly, you are a much requested play date companion.  You are my little insomniac.  The first one up in the morning, you'll come in to mom's bed to play ponies at six, the last one to sleep.  You want to be a big girl but also still want to be mom's baby.  Your vocabulary is immense and your chatter adorable.

My little Cheetah, my little Rose.  Your birth and early months almost broke my heart.  Now you've completely forgotten you were early.  You chatter incessantly.  When you cry, it is a perfect mimic of "Mamma..."  You are rolling all over the floor, up on hands and knees getting ready to take off.  Your siblings love you unconditionally.  The Captain is always carting you around.  Gigi will bring you her hair when you cry.  Peach loves to shower you with toys.  You are a pretty little prize, the perfect cap to our family of six.

To my husband, thank you for making me a mother, for being my other half, for making this life possible.  To my children, thank you for coming to my family.  You guys are my Sun.  My life revolves around you.  There is no other thing or person more important to me.  I'm sorry I make mistakes.  I'm learning.  I hope someday I'll be better.  Probably by the time you guys have kids I'll have it down :)  Please always know that I love you.  Thank you for all your love.

St Patrick's Day/Soccer Begins

 We started out St. Patrick's Day with an 8:15 practice.  When Captain E was younger we signed him up for soccer at the Y.  He sat in the corner of the field.  We signed him up for basketball, he stood in the corner.  Finally we went with Tae Kwon Doe.  It was about individual effort and achievement and for a shy kid sometimes that is what you need.  This spring we decided to try soccer again.  We signed up both Captain E and Gigi.  Wow what a difference a year or two makes.  E was involved with the group, listening to the couch, participating and interacting with kids he'd never met before.  It was truly beautiful...well it would have been had it not been 8:15 in the morning.

 Peach just wanted to eat candy.  Gigi wanted to be held.  Cheetah snuggled in with daddy.  Dr. J had worked the night before but Saturday was his day off so he came home, changed, and joined us on the field.  He's been working a month of nights with only one day off a week.  He said to me, "On my one day off I should be a good dad," he paused for a second and then said, "or at least a kind of good dad."  We both had a laugh at that.  Oh medicine, you make it possible to pay for the kids, but you make it almost impossible to ever see them...bitter sweet :)

 The girls got some playground time.  

 We then headed to I HOP to treat the kids to breakfast.  Note to self, no more meals for Gigi and Peach.  Those two have to share until they can prove otherwise.  The next step was a trip down to the downtown canal.  They had dyed it green for St. Pattys.  We had a good laugh at all the runners decked out for the St. Patty's day run.  So fun, I definitely want to join in next year!

 Dr. J and the kids hanging out with the green canal.  Look at how cute picture two is.  Keep that in mind when you see the one and only picture of me and the kids.

 There are fish in the canal.  We actually spent quite a bit of time watching two carp trying to kill a third.  Dr. J scared them off several times but what can you do when they are determined to eat the scales off another fish, circle of life kids, circle of life.

 Ok here it is.  The one and only picture of me.  Lovely isn't it.  I think this explains two things, 1) why two weeks ago I started Weight Watchers, and 2) why I just would rather not ever have a picture taken of myself.  Blah.  Thanks honey for taking a picture while I was scowling.

My kids are so theatrical, especially my first born.  "Mom, take a picture of me being squished by this wholly mammoth."  "Mom now I'm going to save Gigi."  "Mom I'm going to pose like this, snap the picture.  Let me see it.  AWESOME, that's what I was going for.  It looks like I'm running."  E's birthday is coming up in just a few months and I'm determined to get him a nice little flip camera so that he do his own photos, film and make his own home videos.  

 Finally at 1:15 we had soccer practice for Gigi.  Cracks me up.  This little girl is ALL LEGS!  Finally at 2:30 we made it home.  Dr. J was beat and collapsed almost immediately.  I made it to the couch where I fell asleep nursing.

A Hairy Situation

Things here have been getting a little hairy.  In the case of Gigi we just needed a little trim.  She loves braids, ponies, pigs, buns, so long hair is a must.  But we took a couple inches off the bottom just to keep things healthy.

 Then there was Peach.  Oh my that baby hair it was just scary.  We are talking perpetually bed head and scraggly ends.  So we chopped.  Goodbye mullet, hello A-line bob.  Cutting my kids hair is just not my thing but desperate times call for scissors.  I tried to be quick and the whole time kept reiterating that mom is the only one who can cut hair.  Hair cutting is not for kids, hair cutting is not for siblings, hair cutting is not for babies.  Can you tell I'm worried about kids cutting their own hair?  As for mom's cut, it turned out pretty cute.