Preemie Life - Day 31 A Planned Birthday That Wasn't

No pictures please!

My beautiful face free from distraction.

Today Cheetah is one month old.  It also happens to be the day they were going to induce me, because she is officially 34 weeks today.  She is topping the scales at 4lbs 15 ounces, which I think is probably about what she would have weighed had she been born today.  She happens to be anemic and so they've upped her iron supplement even higher, but what can you expect from a baby who almost entirely missed her third trimester, the time in the womb when babies make their iron stores.  Yesterday she was entirely episode free, not Brady's/apnea but today during our second ever nutritive feeding she forgot to breathe. I know these things are totally "preemie normal" but as a parent they are horrifying.  The monitors going off is one thing, the looking down and seeing your baby not breathing totally another.  And so I had to gently stimulate her back and she started to breathe and then promptly fell asleep, because you know drinking five mouthfuls of milk is just exhausting work.  When I came in today she'd pulled her NG tube out and so I had the privilege of watching them put it back in.  The nurse first wet in Cheetah's mouth and then stuck it down her nostril.  Gagging ensued both for Cheetah and myself for more than one reason.  Before they put the tube back in I picked her up and nuzzled both her checks.  It was the most unattached she's been since birth and I couldn't miss the opportunity to give her a little mama love.  I think back to those six weeks ago when my water first broke.  I wonder could I possibly have sat in bed this whole time.  It was what was expected and so I guess had I stayed pregnant I would have done it, but wow that really would have been torture.  Thanksgiving in the hospital, ick!  And what about more poor children, six weeks without mom at home.  That just doesn't even seem like a possibility for them.  On the other hand...what if I could have taken Cheetah home this week, oh how sweet that would have been.  I'm glad it wasn't a choice I got to make but instead a decision was forced upon me because I have a hard time knowing what I would have choose on my own.

What do you think of these rolls...I had them on the counter rising and a daughter who isn't always as gracious as she could be couldn't resist squishing the tops of almost half of them.  In sibling news we also had a sweet prayer from Captain E last night.  He asked Heavenly Father to help Cheetah grow and then said, "And please bless that she can be home with us for Christmas."  It is the major hope in our family right now.  The best gift we could receive is a family together.  Then there is Peach.  Today in the car she kept screaming, "Let me out, let me out!"  Finally she feel asleep.  As I went to pull her out of her car seat in her sleep she groaned out a final "Let me out."  Yes sweetie I know.