Monday, November 14, 2011

Preemie Life - Day 17

If number one on my unfavorable question list is "When will your baby come home?", a close second is "So is this hard?"  I've had so many friends/relatives/random strangers ask me this question and the truth is I'm curious as to what they think the answer might be.  Most of the time when I respond I look over their shoulder and respond, "Yes," and every time I get choked up with tears.  And then it gets a little awkward.  I know everyone is well meaning.  I understand they are just curious, I know they just want me to share some information, I just really dislike the question.  The answer is simple.  Yes it is hard, exceptionally so.  I have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful family, I've been exceptionally lucky.  That being said my life has been torn in two.  I walk around with a constant ache.  I feel like I'm not even hitting the bare minimum of what is required to be a good mother, a good wife, a good member of my church, a good friend.  I feel like I take, take, take and still just am not making it.  I cry all the time.  I miss Gigi, Peach, and Captain E while I'm at the hospital.  I miss Cheetah while I'm home.  I find the most heartbreak in the fact that my family has been torn in two.  Of the things I feel most robbed of it is the fact that I'm missing out on the bonding that I was so lucky to have with my previous three children.  I know it isn't forever.  I know that someday I'll be able to bring my baby home.  I know that we will be a family the way I want to be a family, but right now in this moment, it is hard.  It just is.  Please be warned, if you ask me this question, you are going to see me cry.


  1. I'm so sorry :( I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to so restricted in bonding with Cheetah and then have to be split between home and the hospital. I am praying all of this is over soon so that you can be whole again! Lots of prayers your way.

  2. One of the friends that helped me through PPD said to Take and Give (Take as much as you can and GIve when you can. GIVE your kids to someone else to watch, GIVE your laundry to someone else to wash, GIVE your floor to someone else to scrub, GIVE your grocery list to someone else, Give your thoughts and pressing concerns to those that will keep them without judgement.)

    If I did my own grocery shopping I'd offer to do that so I'll suggest something I'm much better at...bathrooms. When can I come take care of yours? .



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