Preemie Life - Day 19

Once upon a time I was a low risk pregnancy prospect.  I had three perfectly uneventful pregnancies watched over by midwives.  I loved them and wouldn't have chosen to do it any other way.  When I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child I spent a significant amount of time planning another perfectly uneventful birth.  I found local midwives, a hospital that would allow me to have a water birth IV free, with portable unattached monitors.  It seemed like the perfect plan.  I spent time ordering my hypnobirth kit and reading sites like birthfaith.  I was definitely excited.  When you spend a lot of time reading natural birth blogs and planning a natural birth you read a lot of negative things about c-sections.  I never imagined that I would find myself going through one just a few months later.  When it became obvious that there was no choice, that our baby needed to be born pronto I felt fear but interestingly enough it wasn't of the c-section itself, instead it was that my baby might not make it.  The second I knew Cheetah had to come out, the only thought I had was "Get her out" and "God please help my baby be ok."  These feeling completely clouded out the feelings of fear for myself or the feelings of disappointment I was sure that I would have.  I have a friend who just a few weeks later had the kind of birth I wanted to have and while I found her experience beautiful, when I compared our birth experiences the actually way our babies entered the world, it wasn't the lack of a natural birth that made me feel upset, instead it was the fact that my daughter had to be taken away from me due to her earliness.  Sure I'm not into my scar, and in the morning when I contemplate which pair of jeans to put on and always end up choosing the maternity ones because they are most forgiving on the still healing wound I'm a little bothered, but when push came to shove I wanted my baby safe more than anything else I could have imagined.  C-sections can be a very traumatic experience though and I know especially among people who are in the natural community there can be a lot of guilt and trauma associated with the experience.  That's why I was so excited to read this post that birthfaith linked on facebook.  Written by a doua it gave such a positive light for mothers who sometimes have to face this disappointment.  I wish all c-section moms got a chance to read it.  The comments made at the end were also beautiful.  Time to stop throwing blame and guilt at each other and really just celebrate the miracle that is giving yourself over to being a mother.  All mother make sacrifices and all babies birth's are special.