Preemie Life - Day 3

Looking a little more like my baby everyday!

If yesterday was the day of tears today is the day of cheers.  I got up this morning and dragged myself to the shower.  Sure it hurts to stand up but it was time.  I couldn't get the iodine off my skin but it felt great to be clean again.  Then I got dressed in pjs and put a bra on for the first time in two weeks.  I pumped, took my medicine and headed down to NICU.  It was the first time I was able to walk into the room without crying and as a reward for my trouble little miss looked great.  Maybe it is love, the sponge bath she had, or maybe the fact that her skin is starting to look not as wrinkled but to me she just looked beautiful.  Her nurses today answered all my questions.  They asked me I wanted to change her diaper.  She screamed and screamed, but I loved that feeling of being able to do something for my daughter.  Wow it was difficult though to get that diaper on.  Funny when you are wearing a preemie diaper and it is swimming on you, makes it a little harder on mama to get is secure.  After sitting with her for an hour I came back to my room and took a nice long nap.  There was something about today, maybe her improved status, her strong little will, the fact that I could see eyelashes coming in, I don't know, but something about today made me feel calm.  When I walked out of the room I just felt like things were going to be ok.  My friend Jamie came in the afternoon and we laughed it up until Dr. J showed up.  He headed down to the NICU and after Jamie left I went down to join him.  He'd asked the nurses if we could hold little miss and they had said sure.  They wanted to know who was going to hold her first and he told them that the privilege should go to me first.  I have to say that I really wanted to take it but I also wanted to see him hold her.  I had experienced this good confirmation period in the morning as I was changing her diaper and I could see in my husbands face that he needed one as well.  I told them, give it to the man, he needs this and my husband took the gift for once.  He sat in the chair and unbuttoned his shirt and they put her on his chest.  It was a magic moment.  My cousin had prepared me for the fact that sometimes preemies aren't ready to handle kangaroo time.  The nurse prepared us for that as well.  She said she thought miss would be happy to be in daddy's arms but we just had to wait and see how she did.  Well let me tell you folks she did amazing!  There was one little cry before she got on to his chest and then she snuggled down onto his chest for the next hour and half and didn't make another peep.  Now sleeping is not unusual for little miss but usually during her sleep there are moments where she cries out, throws her limbs, kicks or pulls things off, so to see her sleep for that long, so content really was amazing.  I also watched my husband visibly relax.  He has held so much tension in his face and body and while he sat there with his youngest child on his chest I actual saw the tension leave his body.  After he put her back in the incubator he told me that he finally felt like he was a father again.  It's been so hard to feel connected to a child that you couldn't touch and only really get to know through a layer of plastic.  Being able to hold her while she slept, to comfort her with his warmth his heart beat finally made the experience real for him.  I know I made the right choice letting him hold her first but I'm excited to get my chance.  Still waiting for my milk to come in.  Each time I have a baby this is always a stressful place for me.  Today the NICU doctor asked me if I have any milk to give her yet.  They pulled little misses chord line tonight and are putting a pic line in that will be followed by a ng tube.  In a few days they are going to be ready to start giving her my milk through the tube.  I need to start making milk.  Think milky thoughts mama, think milky thoughts!  Tonight my old ob resident came to visit me.  It's funny have after two weeks you just start to feel connected to people.  When she told her intern she was coming to see me the intern was like, "Why?"  "Well," she told her, "because I want to."  It was fun and we had a good chat that was interrupted by screaming of the girl in the room next door.  We thought maybe there was a domestic dispute going on but it turns out she just didn't think her dinner was coming fast enough.  Um crazy anyone?  Gave me flash backs to my triage days...boy I don't miss those :)

Daddy and baby.

Look at that little hand reaching out to touch her papa!

I feel like you can actually see that he has relaxed!

So I'm sure this picture is going to embarrass Dr. J but when he went to put her undershirt back on we both had a good laugh over the fact that you could see our baby's print on him.  You see both legs, her arms, and her head.  So funny!  Enjoy :)