Friday, November 16, 2012

I Use to Think I was an Introvert....

For years and years I've thought of myself as an introvert.  I'm the kind of person who hates making phone calls.  I will order pizza online rather then have to talk to a sales person.  I avert my eyes from the dead sea scrub people at the mall so they won't talk to me when I walk by.  I hate setting up visiting teaching appointments because it involves having to coordinate with people.  When I think I want to do a play group it will take me several times of the idea hitting me before I'll make an effort to do it.  I feel very awkward in social situations.  I often think people don't like me and that I'm the only one feeling weird.  I enjoy spending lots of time in my home reading or doing projects.  E-mail and text messaging are a God send.  My children's physical demands on me can be exhausting.  I'm not a hugger, a close talker, or a toucher.  In fact this is such an ingrained part of my psyche that I make a conscious effort to hug my children multiple times a day and tell them that I love them because I worry that I don't innately have the urge to do it enough.  For years and years I've thought I was an introvert.  This always caused some confusion for my husband and family though, because I do enjoy having friends.  I love to go out with my friends.  I am loud and talkative. I have no problem with sharing personal information.  My husband and sister were always saying to me, "I don't get it.  You say you are an introvert but every time I talk to you, you are going out with friends, and don't pretend you don't come home totally charged from those experiences."  It made me really start to wonder about myself.  Am I a true introvert or is there a chance I'm an extrovert with some social anxiety.  Social anxiety would definitely also explain why I feel judged and separated   It would explain why I don't want to put myself out there, why I'm so reluctant to make phone calls, why I will often let me phone go to voice mail even if I hear it.  But then there is the physical stuff.  I don't know?  Maybe parts of my personality are introverted and parts are extroverted, or maybe I'm no "vert" at all :)  Is it truly possible to sum up ones personality, ones actions, ones being completely in one word or another?  I don't know.  But I can tell you whether I'm an introvert masked as an extrovert, or a socially awkward extrovert, or just a plain stuck in the middle no vert, I certainly do enjoy being friends with extroverts because those are the people who really do know how to party.


  1. Yeah, it think the labels of introvert and extrovert are really a false dichotomy. When there's all sorts of grey area between the two.

  2. I stumbled across your blog while searching for eshakti promo codes and I decided to keep reading :)

    You are not alone, I feel the same way. I am always willing to admit that "i hate people", but I am the loudest person when I'm with a group of friends/family. I think what gets me is having to converse with a stranger who doesn't know how awesome I am. All they see is an overweight girl with unflattering haircut!

  3. I really don't like people that force me to talk or always say "hes so quiet" or things like that which feel like put downs to me and probably lowered my self-esteem. But yea, there's thankfully always hope of improvement and learning. Good post by the way!



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