Preemie Life - Day 49 "I wish you could appreciate all these little victories..."

my darling husband said today with his arms wrapped around me.  The poor man has been working hard, working the doctors, reading the research, arguing the points.  He's managed to score non nutritive feeds and a speech evaluation after just three days instead of a week, and these are accomplishments.  While I am a blubbering mess of tears and anger, a person who I kid you not said straight to the teams faces, "I will follow your plan, you don't have to worry about that, but that doesn't mean I like any of of you," he has worked so hard to try to voice our concerns with kindness and the authority of research.  He has been in the tough spot of advocating for our daughter, negotiating with the team, and trying to appease me.  It is difficult work to be sure.  He has gotten some compromise and actually put in the hands of the doctor, research coming out of the University of Utah that has potential to change the entire feeding structure at the hospital for the better.  And I wish I could be more appreciative but I just feel broken, crushed under frustration, stress, and disappointment I can barely remember what it is to be happy.  At breakfast this morning my husband said, "Sweetie what is the deal with all the sugar cereals?"  I mean we've been eating lucky charms for two months straight and I'm the girl who gave up all processed sugars for a year, and I turn to him and say, "I'm depressed and if you have to know the truth I ate three ice cream sandwiches in less then five minutes for dinner last night."  This is the crazy my poor husband has to deal with.  As I drove home from the hospital last night I told God I need a miracle but I felt like a child writing out a list to Santa.  How ungrateful can one be.  I have four beautiful, healthy children but not being able to sit a room with all four of them, well it's getting exhausting.  And because just reading this makes me depressed here is something I saw yesterday that made me laugh my head off...because sometimes you just really need that kind of laugh.  So enjoy...I don't approve of the kid at the end but the rest is so funny.