Do you ever just start to feel like maybe you are in some kind of cosmic bad joke loop, well that is how the last few weeks have felt. After the miscarriage that went forever finally cleared I thought, "OK, now maybe I'm going to start to feel normal again." Start to feel normal again. What was I thinking. The last few weeks in this house have just sort of been a disaster. It started with massive sinus congestion causing constant pain and headache. It got to the point where I actually started to believe I was dying. I mean really. Maybe I'm a little bit of a hypochondriac but the headache actually started when I was finishing off the medication for the miscarriage...the one that said if you get a headache call your doctor and at the same time I started getting this weird tingly pain in both my calves. I stopped taking the medication immediately and figured the symptoms would clear but in a week when hadn't and the headache just kept getting progressively worse. I seriously was starting to think I had blood clots that had broken off and were going to kill me. Dr. J told me it was probably a sinus infection and that I was freaking out over nothing but when it didn't get better, when I couldn't sleep at night because the pain was so bad, when I wrote a letter to the kids telling them I loved them because I was worried I was going to finally fall asleep and never wake up again he said, "Maybe you should go to the doctor." So I went, on his one day off in the last two weeks. She confirmed that she was pretty sure it was congestion and prescribed some medication for that but she also sent me for an ultrasound of my calves to make sure their wasn't any blood clots because that is a side effect of the medication. I came back with a clean bill of health. Which I was immensely grateful for although, confirmation that Dr. J is almost always right (I can't tell you how much that annoyed me. Giving that boy more fuel in his "I'm almost always right" bank is not pretty), confirmation that I am a hypochondriac, and the bill for that ultrasound I'm just not looking forward to.
So now I was on the way to recovery but my headache was still pretty bad and my house had fallen into major disrepair as I'd gotten behind. Then two days later Cheetah started puking. I had to completely clear my bed and wash everything three times. She puked on me multiple times. She trapped us in the house and put a hold on any play dates we had planned. By the weekend though things were starting to look up, no one else in the house had appeared to have contracted it, and we were going to be getting back to our normal schedule again. Except then it started to snow, and snow, and snow. The snow was so bad that Sunday they decided to cancel church. We spent the day keeping up on the shoveling so that Dr. J would be able to get out on Monday to go to work. Monday morning we woke up bright and early and I shoveled again while he was in the shower. Then he left and I began the great shut in of 2014.
Here is how my week went:
-We missed five days of school.
-It was so snowy and the roads so bad that we didn't go anywhere, no play dates, no fun places, just here.
-It was so cold that the kids were trapped in the house. No playing outside to siphon off energy. One day Gigi tried to go outside. It was so cold she walked to the playhouse and then walked right back.
-Cheetah decided she wants to be potty trained, but what this basically means is she just don't want to have pant on. Sure she gets about 85% of her pee pees in the potty, but she keeps taking panties, pants, and diapers off (diapers after she peed just a squirt, so that's been fun, throwing tons of barely peed in diapers away), and she's pooped on my floor three days in a row. It gets so annoying that usually by four I've got her in footy pajama's with a safety pin across the zipper so she can't get out.
-Peach started throwing up. The worst thing about Peach throwing up is she wants to eat even when she is sick so she is either eating and throwing up or just on a limited liquid diet and screaming at me that she's hungry and needs me to feed her. She can be screaming this while throwing up. And then just because I want you to understand the craziness, I've seen Cheetah put something that Peach had in her mouth at least four times on the day Peach was throwing up that I just can't imagine she won't get it again.
-Add this to the fact that Dr. J has been gone working everyday, and even working some call shifts so gone for 30 hour chunks with no days off and it is safe to say I'm going nuts.
My kids have watched and played too much media. Because they've been trapped inside they've amused themselves by fighting and destroying the house. Sure we've done our chores and even had Saturday full clean up house day, but when everyone is here all the time it's like trying to catch a hurricane in a butterfly net (can anyone guess which series I've been watching?).
Anyway yesterday as I was cleaning poop off the floor and I had Peach in the bathtub with puke in her hair and I kept having to grab Cheetah out of the tub because she is always trying to drink the bathwater and puke bath work is just too much to bare, and that is when I paused for ten seconds to send this text message to Dr. J, "Today I am hating my life." This is the thing you don't realize as a young twenty something when you think about having children, sure you will love them, sure they will be your life, sure you are willing to sacrifice your body, your sanity, your free time, your sleep and your future for them, but that hat being said there will be times when they will wear you so thin you can't figure out how you will keep going. You will understand why people just get in their car and drive off. You will wonder if you can possibly do just one more day of this. Luckily for you if you can just squeak a few more days in eventually it will get better. Life with children really is like a roller coasters, sometimes you're low, but you will also go high. I cling to that thought right now. Especially while Dr. J is again on call and while I think about my Sunday School class I have to teach who two weeks ago I seriously just wanted to wash my hands of. Let me tell you a secret, 16 and 17 year old boys trying to impress girls are the worst! I mean really, THE WORST! So I expect that as low as I've been if I can just hold out two more days then Monday will come and by God's grace hopefully my schedule will be back to normal. So when I'm cheering on Monday because my kids are back at school and I'm back at the gym, just know, it isn't that I don't love my kids, I do. I just seriously earned that two hours alone for myself going through what I can only hope was the worst week of 2014.