Premature Birth Plan - Day 10

Today in Triage...a dehydrated teenager 7 months pregnant freaks out when she has to receive a bag of fluid.  "Ow, ow, ow, ow it hurts so much, it hurts so much.  She's trying to kill me.  I swear that white witch is trying to kill me.  Help me, help me, help me!  The nurse is killing me.  I feel funny, I feel funny.  I'm freezing, I'm freezing.  Why am I freezing?"  I have to say it was actually kind of funny.  I mean I'm with her, IV fluid is kind of creepy, coldness creeping up your arm...definitely not the best feeling ever.  That being said wow drama queen.  I wish I could sit outside her room for a bit two months from now :)  And I also saw why the nurses fight over me.  I'm not going to say I never say ow, but I don't accuse the nurses of trying to hurt me on purpose.  I realize they are just trying to do their jobs and for the most part they are trying their hardest to make it go as smoothly as possible for you.  Well at least usually, today I was a little bummed about my glucose test.  Yesterday they took three tubes of blood, one was suppose to start my glucose test, but then they didn't give me the "orange drink of death".  Today they did the whole test right but when it came time to get the results the lab first said they couldn't find them and then accused the nurse of putting them in the wrong type of vial.  So now tomorrow I have to do the glucose test again.  Oh blah!  That drink makes me want to puke.  I'd like to refuse it but because of my altered state it really isn't an option. Speaking of altered state, today I asked my resident gynecologist if it was really medically necessary for me to be here.  I think it was my sleepless night.  Something about not seeing the sun, I'm actually starting to lose my grip on time.  Last night I turned the lights off and just lay in bed.  Finally I got up to go to the bathroom turned the lights on and realized I'd been laying in bed tossing and turning all night.  It was 4:10 in the morning!  I also am losing track of the days.  I was sure tomorrow was going to be Wednesday but I couldn't get around the fact that I knew Dr. J had to pick Captain E up early today and that Gigi had gymnastics.  I kept telling myself, "No those are Wednesday things."  But in my mind Wednesday is still tomorrow.  Like I said, losing track.  So anyway in my crazy state today I asked the resident if I could go home.  "Well she said, do you have a way that we can monitor the baby at home and get the baby out in 5 minutes if we need to?"  This she of course said with a little smile.  "Um, no," I replied while looking at my toes.  "Well sweetie, I'm sorry to say you're going to have to stay."  You think that would have deterred me but when the head OB came by later I asked her as well.  She just chuckled and said, "I wish you could but the maternal fetal high risk doctor insist you stay.  None of the rest of us have any choice in the matter.  Plus can you honestly tell me that you would stay in bed with three little kids running around, honestly?"  Well I don't know if I could honestly tell her that but today I certainly would have been willing to tell it to her, even if it wasn't honest....that's right folks I'm on a sliding slope ;)  

Premature Birth Plan - Day 9

Still prego but unsure on the days...today nurse said 29 weeks 3 days.  I have no idea, and not that it really matters since I still have an 80% chance of having this baby in the next 5 days, but, as of this moment, I'm still preggo! I still don't have contractions, and I still don't have an infection!  So the point is I'm in the best position possible but I guess I really shouldn't worry too much about the day that this baby will be born because who knows if we will even make it there.  I had a fun day today.  This morning Dr. J came by to see me.  We were sitting in bed together when my rounding nurse Karen came by.  She teased me that if I'd been in bed with a different doctor we'd have had to have a talk after he left.  Then when I got back from having the baby monitored my mother in law, Peach and Gigi were here.  Funny little girls both crawled up on my bed, starting feed each other lucky charms, and asked me to turn cartoons on.  There eyes never strayed from there but neither did their bodies stray from my lap.  It feels so good to cuddle my children.  I of course am cursed with the blinders of a mama but I can't think of three kids I'd rather be the mother of.  Gigi brought me a card she's done for me.  It is amazing to me how good her writing is getting.  For two straight years I worried constantly about this girl and if she would be prepared for school.  Now not only do I know she is going to be ready but I'm confident that she is going to enjoy it and do well.  Grandma also brought me mail to sort through and then she had a fun time chatting with my nurse about where to get her fake eyelashes updated and her nails done.  So if anyone in town is curious about where to go to be a well maintained lady, I now know :)  I also had two of the mops girls come.  They brought pizza for lunch which was a welcomed break from hospital food and cupcakes and snickers for any visitors who come by later.  They had their two toddlers and it was fun watching the girls.  Definitely a good day, although in some ways a little hard.  These little visits bring so much joy, that there is always a down when you find yourself alone again :)  It is a weird little roller coaster of emotion...compare that to the days when no one comes.  You are just sort of at a general low.  So no high peak, but then no low either. That being said I'd still take the visit over no visit any day!  It's actually has just been overwhelming how many people have stepped up to take care of my family and have made it a point to keep my spirits up. My whole life I've taken pride in the fact that I can do it on my own.  I've always felt like if I couldn't do it on my own then it shouldn't be done at all.  Rarely do I ever want to ask for help and here I find myself in a position where I have no choice.  There is absolutely no way that Dr. J and I could do this alone.  We have become so vulnerable and yet instead of finding ourselves in a bad spot we have found ourselves completely propped up buy all the love and care.  It is an uncomfortable place for me to be, but I've definitely been eased by how freely the outpouring has been.  I just feel like my family is surrounded by angels!

Premature Birth Plan Day 8

I had another ultrasound today.  Baby looks great!  I finally got someone to pin down baby age so today we are exactly 29 weeks.  That means I've got five more weeks from today to go.  Heaven help us :)  Baby looked great.  They didn't check size, that will be next Monday but they looked for fluid levels.  Normal levels would be around 14 at this point.  Last week I was at 4.  Today I'm 5.7.  So obviously far from normal but baby has more fluid now then he/she did just a week ago.  I just keep drinking and eating ice chips by the bucketful keeping us both hydrated and peeing.  I've been really warm today...not a fever, I know that for sure since they check me every two hours, but just warm.  The plastic bed, plastic pillows, the pads, the squeezers, just leaves me feeling hot.  I decided last night to sleep without underwear to try to stave off too much irritation and when I told Dr. J about it, embarrassed, he laughed and told me, "Sweetie almost all my patients are without underwear."  Good times at the hospital :)  I was a little frustrated today.  I wish I could just know the outcome.  Will I sit in the bed five weeks?  Will the baby come tomorrow and have to be in the NICU for months?  Will it come somewhere in between and only be there weeks?  I feel like if I could just know I could plan my life accordingly, I could mentally prepare for the challenges ahead, I could emotionally prepare.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this.  After all I am the girl who about halfway through a book will often skip to the end and then go back and finish.  I am the girl who avoids most surprises.  I am the girl who looks up movie endings before I go.  Life isn't a movie though and so here I am, waiting it out.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  On a more whimsical note, all of the pieces of Captain E's Harry Potter costume have arrived.  Online shopping, what an amazing world we live in!

Premature Birth Plan - Day 7 Sunday Confessional - Yes I called my honey a stupid boy today!

It is amazing to me to think that just one week ago I was laying in triage crying my eye out, worrying about what was going to happen with my baby, thinking that in a few hours little one was going to join me only to be rushed to the NICU, wondering how Dr. J was going to be able to continue working, and what was going to happen to my children!  It was an overwhelming 31st birthday to be sure.  One week later, only five more weeks to go until we meet our sweet baby and I feel like I've learned so much.  1) it is possible for a baby to be in a womb with amniotic fluid leaking.  Originally I thought that would be an instant birth me now emergency but IT ISN'T!  THAT IS AMAZING!  2) Amniotic fluid is baby pee...which means if it starts leaking out it actually gets replenished, which means it just continues to leak out until baby decides to drop down low enough to block the flow...we aren't there yet.  And how did I miss what amniotic fluid is...for crying out loud my degree is in human biology.  3)  If you want the nurses to love you, just hide out in your room quite and they will call you the biggest sweetie on the floor.  4) Nap when you can.  Last night I didn't get into triage until 1:30am in the morning for my one hour evening baby monitor session.  They had been super busy and that was just the first time they could fit me in.  So nap when you can because you just can't guarantee a good night's rest in the hospital.  5) While on bed rest losing weight is actually more of a concern then gaining weight.  WHAT?  I was pretty sure three meals a day in bed was going to make me heavier...well it hasn't....and it has.  Because I'm pretty sure I'm getting fatter by the day, BUT laying in bed all day means losing muscle...so losing weight, but not the good kind!  Blah!  6) Having a good relationship with your mother-in-law can pay off dividends greater then the original investment.  From the first time I meet my mother-in-law I thought she was fun to be around.  It has made it easy for me to enjoy time with her and to be able to feel like a member of her family.  I've always tried to be a good daughter in law to her by showing her respect and taking care of her son and grand kids and it has paid off in her taking care of me like any mother would.  Without her there is no way this would be possible!  7) I have great friends and family.  All of their visits really lift my spirits.  Today the bishop and his wife came by, slightly embarrassing when your outfit consist of a t-shirt, hospital gown, and mesh panties.  Thank goodness I had a sheet that I could pull up, but still that was an awkward 30 minutes :)  8) You can save treats and activities given to you by guest and use them to feed and entertain your lovely visiting kids.  My friend Andrea came today with pumpkin doughnut holes and along with those, cookies the nurses gave me, food from the hospital, and some stuff I got from mops and the nurses I kept my kids entertained for almost two hours.  They ate "fun" snacks with mom, colored, and did word puzzles.  It was nice to see them and made me feel good that they think playing at the hospital is actually fun! 9) My husband is a STUPID, STUPID BOY!  At least that is what I told him today when he came to visit.  Every night after work, hubby stops by to chat, today he kicked his shoes off, grabbed a pillow and started to fall asleep beside me.  I turned the lights off and reached my hand out to touch his legs and I swear to you I actually felt electricity build in my fingers and jump out and touch his calf.  And then I started to cry.  And then I told him he was a stupid, stupid boy!  Because for the most part I've been able to stay cool about the whole situation and keep the tears to a minimum but turns out I love that lug so much it actual hurts sometimes to think about.  Ten years and I love the man more than I did the day I married him!  How is that for disgusting and cool all in one :)

Premature Birth Plan - Day 6

Day six in the hospital, baby 29 weeks.  I can't believe I've been here almost a full week.  How is that even possible?  This morning I had a little bit of a scare, I was losing more fluid and then I started feeling a little crampy.  Of course I freak.  Sure it wasn't contractions but when you are in the hospital on preterm labor watch it just is a little scary.  I had told Dr. J about the fluid when I called him this morning at 5 but I did want to say anything about the cramps until I knew more.  My nurse came in to help me even though she was on her break.  She got the OB and they took a peak with a speculum and bright light...no fingers that could introduce infection.  Talk about lack of modesty!  My private parts were literally in the spotlight!  But it was worth it because all three of us felt relief that my cervix weren't dilated at all.  Then they sent me to triage to make sure I wasn't having any contractions.  It was definitely a relief!  I felt bad for being so jumpy and overreacting but the ob said she would prefer to do that 100 times over then have me say nothing and walk in after me struggling for hours, take a peak and have a foot hanging out.  Apparently that occasionally happens.  Besides that my day has been fairly uneventful.  I've spent a lot of time watching a TV show about owners tho are killed by their deadly animals.  I think I'm interested because of the the man in Ohio who released all his deadly animals and then killed himself.  Turns out there are more tigers living in captivity in the United States then in the wild in the rest of the world.  Most of them aren't in zoo's but are instead in the hands of private owners, breeders, small mom and pop cat organizations, people who just want them as pets.  Seriously scary!  Then my friends Erin and Hillary showed up.  They brought gifts, deodorant, tweezers, activity books, and books to read :)  I'm so excited and the nurses probably will be as well.  It was so fun to have friends to talk to and they were here long enough that we were able to talk about stuff besides me sitting in this bed.  It was nice to have something normal.  My mother-in-law called me today to get things set up for Halloween, costumes for the kids, pumpkins, Halloween bags.  I love holidays.  It's one of the great joys in my life that part of being a family and a mother is the opportunity to do traditions, to celebrate holidays, to make fun times fun for you children.  I definitely am missing it but am thankful I was able to finish ordering captain E's costume from home.  It makes me feel like I got to contribute in some way :)  Thank heavens for the internet although I do try to stay way from to much online shopping...a bored girl, the internet, and credit card could cause quite a problem if one isn't careful!

Premature Birth Plan - Day 5

5 days since rupture.  28 weeks and 6 or 7 days...trying to get a nurse to look it up for me, so it might actually be 29 weeks! Still pregnant here!  Fluid is leaking, so it hasn't sealed off but no sign of infection and no contractions.  I hadn't had any fluid leak for two days so yesterday I decided to wear regular undies without a pad.  I am so paranoid about getting a dreaded yeast infection, but since I'm leaking again I'm back to pads.  I talked with the OB about it because I thought there was a risk that a yeast infection could cause a problem.  OB said it was OK  that I'd just have to take a anti-fungal pill.  I know this is probably TMI but it was a great release of tension for me.  Baby's heart beat is looking strong.  I don't know how comfortable it can be to be in that womb without the cushion of amniotic fluid but baby is still moving quite a ton.  When I go to triage at night to do my test strips it is almost impossible to get a good reading because baby is kicking and twisting!  Speaking of triage I'm a desperately starting to miss my ipod.  I managed to misplace it several months ago and never got around to looking since I'd been so busy with my itouch.  Now I'm missing it.  You get all types of patients here and some of their situations are frustrating to hear, even just as a patient in the curtain room next door.  Mom's on drugs, mom's who want to run off to smoke while they are in active labor, all types.  Like I said, I miss my IPOD!  Today was a fun day.  My MOPS group sent these beauties and they are truly lovely!  The nurses are keeping me in a steady supply of ice, ice water, and cherry Popsicles.  My friend Stacy came by to see me with pumpkin chocolate cookies.  My insurance agent called and chatted for 1/2 hour.  A friend who moved to Texas gave me a call today.  Two of my nurses from earlier in the week came by to see me today one bringing me a calendar and markers so I could mark down the weeks better and some activities.  I got to see Dr. J for an hour before he headed home and best of all Gigi was better today so my kids came for an hour.  Holy cow how are kids so resilient?  Sure Peach sat on my bed the whole time but everyone was just happy to see me, not clingy or grouchy.  They were well feed, clean, and happy.  What more could a mom hope for?  They were also cute.  Grandma said last night Gigi prayed to Jesus that he would take the bad germs out of her body so that she could come and see her mom.  I mean how like I said, adorable!  I'd ordered some Sierra Mist and they just thought they were the coolest drinking soda pop and getting ice from my little pink ice cups.  The those get a  lot of action.  I drink a ton of water here and eat a ton of ice!  When the nurses ask me if I want anything to drink I always get fresh ice.  Tomorrow I'm going to clock how many times I have to refill them.  I had an orange and banana from the morning and they thought it was fun to eat that.  Then they had fun eating my crinkle fries off my tray.  Kids :)  So I'm showering, but I still haven't managed to get my deodorant here, a bra, or tweezers so if you come in to see me be forewarned....not looking my prettiest.  I guess though we can just be grateful my hair doesn't smell!  Thank goodness for shampoo and conditioner!

Premature Birth Plan - Day 4

Oh the squeezers, aren't these babies lovely looking.  Turns out when you get put on bed rest they try to reduce the chance of blood clots with this lovely machine.  I'm suppose to wear them when I'm sleeping and I wear them occasionally in the day.  They aren't horrible, it almost feels like a massage but at night time they get pretty hot.  I managed to leave them on though and when the resident came in this morning she congratulated me on my compliance.  Dr. J says most patients hate them and it isn't uncommon for them to pull them off in the middle of the night.  He said he often finds them kicked down at the foot of the bed.  Naughty patients :)  Today is just more of the same.  I've now gone to the triage area twice to do baby stress test.  Wow it is amazing the stuff you hear in there.  They make such a big deal about HIPPA in the hospital, especially when it comes to stuff on the computer that you kind of forget that just hearing things is probably a violation.  And yet when someone is giving birth just a curtain away, how are you not going to hear that.  I'm trying to keep myself busy and uninterested by reading.  In two hours though I've almost completed my book for my ward book group.  No More Goodbyes, Circling the Wagons around Our Gay Loved Ones, by Carol Lynn Pearson.  This has been a really interesting book that totally deserves it's own post but I'll have to get to that later.  Meanwhile, I'm going to be looking for some new books to read.  Here are some I'm going to try and get my hands on....

Probably a good thing I don't have a kindle...I'd be downloading books like a mad woman :)  Anyone else have any book suggestions?  I'm all eyes and computer this month so let me know!  I got to talk to my kids today.  Grandma was going to bring them in to see me but poor little Gigi has come down with a pretty nasty cold.  So instead we had some phone time.  Gigi was so cute it hurt my heart.  "Mama, I'm so sorry.  I was going to come and see you but I got sick.  And I don't want to get you sick.  I want you to be ok.  So now I can't come see you, but I really did want to see you.  I really want to see you mama.  I love you mama.  I'm sorry mama."  Oh how it hurts even now just to think about.  I hope she gets better soon because I so want to give this little girl a big squeeze!  Then there was Peach.  "Hi mama," she yells, and then "let go, I have the phone."  Then I sing twinkle, twinkle to her and she belts it out.  Then without a goodbye she passes the phone over to Captain E.  "Hi mom."  He tells me.  "Did you get to play wii today I ask him."  "Yes," he says, and then as I start to say, "Awesome," the kid screams out "Awesome!" and then starts laughing hysterically.  Have I gotten so predictable?  Then he tells me Grandma took them to Costco and that she bought him a smoothie and that he left it in the car.  As mom I said, "Um sweetie that's gross, it's going to be all melted."  "Mom," he says, "Don't you know melted smoothies are the best."  Oh kids!  Dr. J stopped by as well before he headed home.  So obviously life is not ideal but what a blessing that honey can stop by for 20 or 30 minutes a night before he heads home to give the kids a little parental love before they go to bed.  I'm so grateful for e-mail, text, and phone that keep me connected to him, but it is also nice to see his face!  We will survive!  Thanks to everyone who is calling, stopping by, dropping off food, and praying for us.  I feel so lucky to have such a strong support group, even with many of you so far away!  We love you guys so much!