Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Lost My Stride
I grew up in a family with six kids. My mom was single. She worked almost my entire childhood. I look back now and wonder, how did she do it? I have only four kids now. I have a husband. He might not be home often but he is home occasionally. I'm not going to lie, this four kid thing is kicking me in the trash. My blog is months behind. I haven't done a single thing in Cheetahs baby book. I'm always behind on laundry. I'm always behind on housework. Captain E takes so much work when it comes to homework. He swamps me with his demands. I'm squeaking by to keep Gigi caught up and half the time I realize I forgot show and tell or something new that had to be turned in. The only time I go to school is to pick up a puking kid. I let Peach watch too many movies. Cheetah demands to eat right around the time I'm making dinner. I want to do some projects but I haven't caught up on the ones I started. I feel like I'm threading water with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back, and three kids holding on...oh wait I did do that at the pool this summer :) Motherhood is a strange business. It is wonderful and horrible all wrapped up into one. Each new child takes a little bit of adjusting to work into the rotation but this time I just can't manage to get it right. It's been a year and I'm still carrying my baby weight, still haven't figured out how to get my life together. I'm left wondering will I ever find my rhythm again, my stride. I'm a stay at home mom. I want to be involved in my children's lives. I want to be a great mom. I want to teach my children. I want my house to be clean. I want my jeans to fit. Instead I find myself overwhelmed and eating to many sweets. My mom was amazing. How did she keep this together?
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Deep breath.
ReplyDeleteYour mom was, and is, just as human as you were. Being a mom isn't the constantly beautiful experience I thought it would be as a young woman, but it is still worthwhile. It just is way harder than society, especially LDS culture, leads us to think that it is.
Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it! Hugs
Crystal, I always appreciate your candor. Despite the image our blogs portray, I think most all of us have moments (days? weeks? months? years?) when we feel we have lost our stride and will never recover. I know I'm struggling, and we're still at three. Just contemplating how we will manage four is enough to trigger a panic attack.
ReplyDeleteYou may not see it in yourself, but we all think you're amazing, laundry piles or no. So treat yourself to a chapter in a good book and enjoy a virtual hug--we're thinking of you!
I feel the same way with only three! I am always exhausted and behind on everything which really leads me to feel like our family is complete. I don't know how I'd survive another addition. You are doing great and the good news is that your kids love you and have no idea how hard motherhood is ;)
ReplyDeleteI hope that today is a little better. If you get a few minutes, your kids might enjoy watching the videos in my post today. You are one of the supermoms that the last video is dedicated to!
ReplyDeletehttp://poetrysansonions.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-few-things-i-have-been-watching.html
Agreed. One more reason why we won't have more than 2. :)
ReplyDeleteI think we all get behind in everything we do no matter how many children or responsibilites we have.
ReplyDeleteThe way I look at it: if your kids are clothed, fed, and happy then you are a great mom. Successful mommyhood is not measured on how many "chores" or "things" you got done for the day. Simply sitting down and playing with your children or helping them with what they need will leave a much longer impression on them then if their laundry is clean or if the house is clean.
Honestly, those things don't really matter. :)
Hang in there! You're doing great!