I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

Three days to go and here I am on the blog.  What am I doing?  Some might think that is what the title of this post refers to but they would be wrong, instead it refers to the fact that I am in Illinois and my two oldest children, Captain E and G Bear and in Utah with their nana after finishing off the last three days of our Colorado vacation.  A few months before summer my mother asked me if I thought my kids were old enough to come out and spend a few weeks with her.  My initial response was, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"  I am a self admitted hover mom and worrier.  When my kids are close I "know" they will be ok.  When they are "out of sight" I constantly worry.  But as our pending move approached and I tried packing with three kids in the house I realized that some time with nana might be just what I needed to get the work done.  Plus it isn't like being a helicopter mom is a good thing.  My sister and husband have been begging me for years to lighten up.  And so three days ago I kissed my kids goodbye and walked out to my packed van, where I promptly cried for the first hour of driving home.  I've been calling them every morning and night, mainly to hear they don't want to talk to me because they are too busy having a great time.  My mom forces Captain E on to say he loves me.  She says, "Sweetie your mom is having a really hard time, can you get on and say something nice to her."  So he'll put his mouth by the phone, yell out, "I love you," and then run off.  G Bear is much more excited to talk, will answer a few questions, but inevitably about a minute she will say in her squeaky little voice, "Can I talk to Peach please?" and then I have to sit by while the two of them jabber on about who knows what.  And occasionally then Captain E will get back on the phone but only because he two wants a chance with Peach.  It is both joyful and heart breaking.  On the one hand I miss them dearly, they are my life and I wish they missed me just a smidgen of how I miss them.  On the other hand I can see that they are happy, healthy, that they enjoy their family, and that I've somehow managed to raise two kids who can exist separate from me, a trait I think all kids need to possess.  I'm happy for them, sad for me. The irony of parenthood I guess, you devote your whole self into the raising of little people who someday are just going to leave you, only to return to drop off future grand kids :)